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The Bulls selected their PG of the future in selecting the hometown star, Derrick Rose!  While there will certainly be added pressure playing in his home city, this kid just seems to “get it!”  Derrick Rose won 2 state titles at Simeon High School and led Memphis to the National Championship game where they lost to Kansas.  While there was talk about the Bulls possibly trading the pick or drafting Michael Beasley, those things never happened and “Pooh” comes to “Sweet Home Chicago!” 

The funny thing is, I called this during the Final Four.  It was pure bullshit because I never envisioned the Bulls ending up with the #1 pick.  However, I’ll take it along with my D Rose jersey baby.  Look for me on the shores of South Haven talking shit to Detroit D-Bag fans!  Yeah, they made the playoffs…but guess what?  My Bulls were 3-1 against those fruitcakes.  Suck on that Detroit!

Preston, I heard yo mama has a leather wig with suede sideburns!

Nate, yo mama is so stupid, she attempted suicide by jumping out the basement window!

15. Rocky IV (1985) – “I must break you.”

14. Rudy (1993) – “You’re five-foot nothin’, 100-and-nothin’, and you have nearly a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football team in the land for two years. And you’re gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don’t have to prove nothin’ to nobody but yourself.”

13. Major League (1989) – (13a) – Willie: “Willie Mays Hayes here. I hit like Mayes, and I run like Hayes.” – Coach: “You may run like Hayes, but you hit like shit.” – (13b) – “Juuuuust a bit outside.” – (13c) – “Up your butt, Jobu.”

12. Remember the Titans (2000) – “We will be perfect in every aspect. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You make a fumble, I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile … Perfection!”

13. Sandlot (1993) – “You know, if my dog were as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards.”

12. Jerry Maguire (1996) – (12a) “I love black people!!” – (12b) – “You had me at ‘Hello’.” – (12c) – “Show me the money!!”

11. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) – “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”

10. Seabiscuit (2003) – “The horse is too small, the jockey too big, the trainer too old and I’m too dumb to know the difference.”

9. Happy Gilmore (1996) – “The price is wrong, Bitch!”

8. The Natural (1984) – “When I walked down the street, people would’ve looked and they would’ve said ‘There goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game.’”

7. Hoosiers (1986) – “If you give everything you have, I don’t care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game. In my book, we’re gonna be winners.”

6. Bull Durham (1988) – (6a) “I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” – (6b) – “Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some groundballs. It’s more democratic.”

5. The Karate Kid (1984) – (5a) – “Sweep the leg.” – (5b) – “Wax on; Wax off.”

4. Rocky (1976) – (4a) “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!” – (4b) – “Yo, Adrian!”

3. A League of Their Own (1992) – “There’s no crying in baseball!”

2. Field of Dreams (1989) – (2a) – “If you build it, he will come.” – (2b) – John: “Is this heaven?” – Ray: “No, it’s Iowa.”

1. Caddyshack (1980) – (1a) – “I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ‘em you’re Jewish, OK? All right.” – (1b) – “You’ll get nothing and like it.” – (1c) – “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ahhh, Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. Here, I’ve got pounds of this.” – (1d) – “This crowd has gone deathly silent, the Cinderella story, outta nowhere, a former greenskeeper, now – about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mira….. It’s in the hole!”

Can you guys think of any more?

Nate looks like the stuntman for someone who got that ass beat in Wii baseball!

Preston looks like the stuntman for someone who got that ass beat in Wii baseball!

Rader looks like the stuntman for someone who will get that ass beat in Wii baseball if he comes into town!

Billy looks like the stuntman for Andy Dick!

You be the judge!

Hulk Hogan rubs Brooke\'s crack

OK, so you’ve heard that Shawn Kemp has approximately 25 illegitimate children, right?  That’s simply old news that belongs in the same category as “Bill Gates has more money than God!”

Well it seems like Kemp is not alone on the bastard kids front.  The Buffalo Bills selected OT Demetrius Bell out of Northwestern State in the 7th round of the NFL draft on Sunday.  Who the fuck is Demetrius Bell?  He’s just another 7th rounder who usually wouldn’t garner too much attention because his chances of actually making the team are slim to none.  However, when you’re the son of an NBA Hall of Famer, you might get a glimpe of the spotlight.  And he did…but daddy Karl could care less.  The two didn’t meet for the first time until Bell was 18 and Malone told him “It’s too late for me to be your father, and you’ll earn your money on your own.”

One thing is clear, when Kemp and Malone are out pursuing vulnerable women to father their kids, neither one of them is going to receive a call from the “Father Of The Year” committee!

 

Newly acquired safety Kalvin Pearson may never actually suit up for the Lions.  Why?  Because this fool decided to choke out his pregnant girlfriend.  Pearson had been formally charged with aggravated battery on a pregnant woman and domestic battery by strangulation.  Police also captured numerous photos of the womans neck, which was bruised up and red. 

Most teams would simply cut this guy and move on.  But not the Lions.  Why?  Becasue Matt Millen is in charge!  The kicker?  Millen is on record saying that Pearson was signed because of his great character.  Well he is a character…in the movie that will follow “The Rae Carruth Story!”

Nate Dogg endured a whole day of me asking the world who the fuck Earl Bennett was on Sunday…so I asked some Vandy guys on Rivals what I can expect of him.  What I found out was that he’s one bad mother fucker and he’s quickly become my favorite player out of the Bears draftees…so you’ll be hearing a lot of “My Name Is Earl” references come fall!  Here’s what a well informed Vandy fan had to say…

He’s a baller, the best comparison I can make is Marvin Harrison. He runs great routes, catches everything, goes across the middle without fear, and has a calm demeanor. Came out of a bad part of Birmingham and walked a straight line throughout HS and college, just a great kid in addition to being one of the best receivers to play in the SEC in a while. After Cutler graduated there was a question about whether or not we’d be able to get him the ball enough, well he followed up his 79 catch and 876 yard frosh campaign with an 82 catch and 1,146 yard season. He broke the SEC freshman receptions record (held by Jabar Gaffney) and as a sophomore became the first SEC receiver to have back to back seasons with 75+ receptions. He injured his shoulder in the Bama game this past season and played through it to tally another 75 receptions. Our QB play this past season was atrocious (to put it lightly) so 75 catches seems like a miracle under those circumstances.

Watching he and Cutler in 05 was something I’ll treasure forever. JC threw to Earl at VU’s pro day which shows how much those guys respect one another.

Here are the stats from the last four games of his freshman year (Cutler’s senior year)…..

– @ USC: 16 catches for 204 yards with a TD
– @ Florida: 6 catches for 75 yards and 2 TDs
– vs UK: 13 catches for 99 yards and 5 TDs
– @ UT: 14 catches for 167 yards and the GW TD catch

 

Mario Manningham admitted lied about smoking cock marijuana last month at the Zoo Bar NFL Combine.  No big deal, except for the fact that his indiscretions combined with his excellent pathetic 40 times probably cost him millions.  While he once looked like a no-brainer to go in the first round, Mr. Smoke-a-lot was finally put out of his misery when the NY Giants selected him in the 3rd round.  It probably won’t even matter to him because he’s too stupid to figure much out anyways…as he scored a big ol’e 6(out of 50) on his Wonderlic test.  If you don’t know how easy one of these tests are, please refer to the Wonderlic post I made last Friday and take the test for yourself.  You will find some real brain busters on there like:6. The ninth month of the year is???

http://www.profootballtalk.com/2008/04/25/mario-checks-into-the-motel-6/

In other draft news, Nate is thrilled with the Ravens selection of Tommy Zbikowski as he can now wear his purple sundress turtleneck!

1.  Arizonba D-Bags(18-7)

2. Chicago Cubs(16-9)

3.  Anahiem Angels(16-10)

4.  Boston Red Sox(15-12)

5.  Florida Marlins(15-10)

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29.  Detoilet Tigers(11-15)